Saturday, 28 April 2012

Im at a point in my life where i dont actually trust anyone in my life, it might sound sad but im actually ok with it, i litterely cant be let down because i wont allow anyone to get into the position of being able to let me down. which is working for me right now, i think that when it comes to the time where someone wants to be in the position of being able to let me down theyll have to give me a dam good reason to let them there. i dont have much right now, im still looking for a house and im not yet learning to drive but will do soon yet i think if i can be this content with life even though im not hugely successful in it then when things do look up its gonna be bloody mayonaise! (thats a good thing) you can never know someone well enough to trust their words over your judgement, you just cant, ive seen marriages break down after 30 years and ive been in relationships that have broke down after 4 and 6 years so when exactly is the right time to settle down and trust someone not to hurt you, or even trust yourself not to hurt someone else? its impossible, im sure theres some scientific equasion out there that explains it all but in hind-site it doesn't matter when anyone else says cuz your heart goes and does its own thing anyway! im quite happy right now, not being interfered with like, life has obviously decided that its time for me to be alone for a little bit and ive gotten used to that, well, ite only been six months and the first 3 my brain was desperately trying to replace love lost but im kinda ok with it all now, im finally getting chance to concentrate on my career and do my nvq and when i do get my own place it will be awesome and mine. going out in the big wide world alone for the first time is scary, its like im born into adult life again, whn most girls turn 18 they start their career and courses and go on girly holidays and i missed out on all that cuz i was settleing down and i thought i would never get chance to do any of that but now its like im 18 again and getting the chance to do all those things i never did, i can go clubbing! i can go on girly holidays and not worry about someone feeling left out or worried. Ive been given a second chance at me, im me now, not us or we im me and im gonna make the most of it! Life gave me lemons, and im mixing them with vodka and toasting to a bloody great night!